Every one Yearns for freedom

每個(gè)人都為自由而奮斗

but it's not always easy to find

但這并不總是那么容易找到的

when you've been controlled by someone close to you for your whole life

當(dāng)你一生都被一個(gè)親近的人所控制

it be very hard to break away

要掙脫是很難的

abuse can take many forms

虐待可以有多種形式

physical abuse is easy to identify

身體虐待很容易識(shí)別

but emotional and psychological abuse can sometimes be harder to detect

但情緒和心理虐待有時(shí)更難被發(fā)現(xiàn)

when it is subtle

當(dāng)它是微妙的

it can sometimes be even worse than when it is obvious

有時(shí)甚至比顯而易見的時(shí)候還要糟糕

when it is identifiable

當(dāng)它是可識(shí)別的

you can get a firmer grasp on what is happening and it becomes clear what you need to do to stop it

你可以對(duì)正在發(fā)生的事情有一個(gè)更堅(jiān)定的把握，你就會(huì)清楚地知道你需要做些什么來(lái)阻止它

when the abuse is

當(dāng)虐待時(shí)

insidious

陰險(xiǎn)

it becomes normal

一切都變得正常了

nothing seems wrong because the problem becomes a part of your everyday life

似乎沒(méi)有什么問(wèn)題，因?yàn)檫@個(gè)問(wèn)題已經(jīng)成為你日常生活的一部分

when I was a child

當(dāng)我還是個(gè)孩子的時(shí)候

my mother always pampered me

我媽媽總是寵愛我

both my sister and I had blonde curly hair and everyone always commented on how cute we were

我和姐姐都有一頭金色卷發(fā)，每個(gè)人都在評(píng)論我們有多可愛

our mother obsessed over her hair as though it was the most important thing in the world

我們的母親癡迷于她的頭發(fā)，好像它是世界上最重要的東西

every morning we would be placing from the mirror

每天早上我們都會(huì)從鏡子里放東西

and she would spend ages trying to get our Hairstyles just right

她會(huì)花很長(zhǎng)時(shí)間試圖讓我們的發(fā)型恰到好處

Most people would say that having a mother who Fusses over you is a good thing

大多數(shù)人會(huì)說(shuō)，有一個(gè)對(duì)你大驚小怪的母親是件好事

because it shows that she cares

因?yàn)檫@表明她很在乎

but all this attention wasn't really about us

但所有這些關(guān)注并不是我們的問(wèn)題

it was all about her

一切都是為了她

we were like dolls that she was playing with

我們就像她玩的洋娃娃

not children with minds of our own

不是有我們自己想法的孩子

I'm sure my mother saw nothing wrong with what she was doing in her mind

我相信我媽媽沒(méi)有看到她腦子里想的事情有什么不對(duì)

she was just trying to improve us

她只是想改善我們

as she busied herself with our appearances

當(dāng)她忙于我們的表演時(shí)

she would make cruel comments about the way we looked

她會(huì)對(duì)我們的長(zhǎng)相做出殘酷的評(píng)論

little realizing the facts they had on us

幾乎沒(méi)有意識(shí)到他們掌握的事實(shí)

Of the two of us

我們倆的關(guān)系

my sister was always the

我妹妹一直是

prettiest

最漂亮的

but for some reason my mother always criticised her the most

但出于某種原因，我母親

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總是批評(píng)她最多

my sister's tears did nothing to stop my mother's insults

我姐姐的眼淚并沒(méi)有阻止我母親的侮辱

she would continue as though nothing was wrong

她就像什么事都沒(méi)發(fā)生似的繼續(xù)說(shuō)下去

seemingly oblivious to the fact that she was destroying her confidence

似乎沒(méi)有意識(shí)到她正在破壞自己的信心

it wasn't until middle school that I began to realize that my mother's treatment of me and my sister

直到中學(xué)時(shí)，我才開始意識(shí)到母親對(duì)我和妹妹的態(tài)度

wasn't healthy

不是健康的

all our lives

我們的一生

we thought it was normal for our mother to do what ours did

我們認(rèn)為媽媽做我們做的事是正常的

but after talking with other kids about it

但和其他孩子談過(guò)之后

we soon realized that it was totally wrong

我們很快意識(shí)到這是完全錯(cuò)誤的

this

這個(gè)

of course

當(dāng)然

sent me into a rage

讓我大發(fā)雷霆

all my life

我的一生

I've been controlled

我被控制了

and now I'd realize what had been happening

現(xiàn)在我意識(shí)到發(fā)生了什么

I wanted nothing more than to break out of the cage my mother had placed me in

我只想從母親給我放的籠子里掙脫出來(lái)

I began to rebel

我開始反抗

refusing to let my mother touch my hair

拒絕讓我媽媽碰我的頭發(fā)

when I suggested cutting us short

當(dāng)我建議縮短我們的時(shí)間

she went ballistic

她氣瘋了

she screamed at me and my sister

她沖我和我妹妹尖叫

then grounded us

把我們禁足了

everything changed after that

從那以后一切都變了

and our relationship was never the same again

我們的關(guān)系再也不一樣了

When my sister went to college

當(dāng)我姐姐上大學(xué)的時(shí)候

all the attention fell upon me

所有的注意力都集中在我身上

my mother always found new things to try and manipulate me

我媽媽總是發(fā)現(xiàn)新的東西來(lái)操縱我

living with her made me feel as though I was being Moulded into something that I didn't want to be

和她一起生活讓我覺得自己好像被塑造成了我不想成為的東西

when I finally left for college

當(dāng)我最終離開去上大學(xué)的時(shí)候

I still didn't manage to escape

我還是沒(méi)能逃脫

my mother called me in Texid me constantly

我媽媽經(jīng)常打電話給我

even though she knew she was disrupting my classes and lectures

即使她知道她擾亂了我的課程和講座

there seemed to be no way out

似乎沒(méi)有出路了

I had been conditioned from an early age to obey orders from my mother

我從小就習(xí)慣于服從母親的命令

so I found it hard to break free and do the things I wanted

所以我發(fā)現(xiàn)很難掙脫束縛去做我想做的事情

I'm now in my 5th year of college and even though my mother still tries to control me

我現(xiàn)在已經(jīng)上大學(xué)五年級(jí)了，盡管我媽媽仍然試圖控制我

I found ways to deal with it

我找到了處理它的方法

I have

我有

really good

很好

friends who provide support

提供支持的朋友

and I've changed to subjects that I want to study rather than the ones my mother ordered me to take

我改了一些我想學(xué)的科目，而不是我媽媽讓我學(xué)的科目

I'm also wearing the types of clothes I want to wear

我也穿著我想穿的那種衣服

which are totally different to the ones my mother used to buy for me in the past

它和我媽媽過(guò)去給我買的完全不同

whenever I chose clothes that I was comfortable with

每當(dāng)我選擇我覺得舒服的衣服

my mother would say things like they're not

我媽媽會(huì)說(shuō)一些他們不喜歡的事情

suitable for your large body type or don't bring attention to your size by wearing that

適合你的大體型，或者不要讓人注意到你的身材

now I wear what I want and I'm more comfortable with who I am

現(xiàn)在我穿我想要的衣服，我對(duì)自己更自在了

the most symbolic change I've made recently was when I cut my own hair

我最近做的最具象征意義的改變是我自己剪頭發(fā)的時(shí)候

it was always the one thing my mother obsessed about the most

這一直是我媽媽最癡迷的一件事

and by cutting it myself

我自己割了它

it felt like I was cutting Marionette strings and setting myself free

感覺就像我在割斷馬里奧內(nèi)特的繩子，讓自己自由

my mother had always told me that girl shouldn't have short hair

我媽媽總是告訴我那個(gè)女孩不應(yīng)該留短發(fā)

that it wasn't proper

因?yàn)檫@是不恰當(dāng)?shù)?/p>

but the style she demanded of me just wasn't the right fit

但她要求我的風(fēng)格并不合適

it was my birthday when I made the change

我換衣服的時(shí)候是我的生日

or as I like to call it

或者我喜歡叫它

my rebirth day

我的重生日

I was hesitant at first

一開始我有點(diǎn)猶豫

but when I began to cut

但當(dāng)我開始切的時(shí)候

the shorter I went

我走得越短

the more emancipated I felt

我覺得越解放

The next day I went to a hairdresser to Eaton it up

第二天，我去理發(fā)店把它伊頓起來(lái)

and she totally agreed that my new style suited me a lot better

她完全同意我的新風(fēng)格更適合我

my mother screamed at me when she saw what I'd done

當(dāng)我母親看到我所做的事時(shí)，她沖我尖叫

she even called me some really nasty

她甚至叫我一些很討厭的人

Homophobic

恐同癥

slurs

臟話

my father was more positive

我父親更積極些

he said that I looked cute and it drew more attention to my blue eyes

他說(shuō)我看起來(lái)很可愛，這讓我的藍(lán)眼睛更加引人注目

my friends all agreed that it was more me

我的朋友們都認(rèn)為更多的是我

and I even got some positive comments from some of my

我甚至從我的一些人那里得到了一些積極的評(píng)價(jià)

Lecturers

講師

Despite my mother's inappropriate response

盡管我媽媽的反應(yīng)不恰當(dāng)

I felt a lot happier knowing that I was finally doing something for myself rather than for her

知道自己終于為自己而不是為她做了些什么，我感到快樂(lè)得多

since I've started living my own life and not obeying my mother's every wish

因?yàn)槲议_始過(guò)自己的生活不服從我母親的每一個(gè)愿望

I feel a lot happier and a lot more confident

我覺得更快樂(lè)更自信

it's a natural instinct to want to make your parents happy

想讓父母快樂(lè)是一種自然的本能

but over the years

但多年來(lái)

I realize that it doesn't mean you should go against your own beliefs and feelings

我知道這并不意味著你應(yīng)該違背自己的信仰和感受

it's important to be who you are

做你自己很重要

no matter what other people think

不管別人怎么想

even your parents

即使是你的父母

if you try to please others without pleasing yourself

如果你試著取悅別人而不取悅自己

you will become miserable

你會(huì)變得悲慘的

the only way to be happy

快樂(lè)的唯一途徑

is to be true to yourself and live your life in a way that feels right for you

對(duì)自己真誠(chéng)，以一種適合自己的方式過(guò)自己的生活